


Something lost and something replaced.

by Melinda_coulson



Category: Agents of SHIELD - Fandom, Marvel Universe - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Philinda - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-21
Updated: 2015-04-21
Packaged: 2018-03-25 04:10:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3796207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Melinda_coulson/pseuds/Melinda_coulson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I wanted to see more angst in the story that made the cavalry, so this is my attempt at adding on to it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Something lost and something replaced.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AgentPsq](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AgentPsq/gifts).



May hated the title of THE CAVALRY. If anything it just reminded her of the things she had lost. The part of her that she loved, was taken away, not only psychologically but physically as well. And despite all the training and controlling ,she herself didn't know how many times the happenings of the eventful day keeps playing in her mind.

After the shower ,which took longer than expected ,May was getting ready when she felt the sudden wave of nausea. After the initial confusion of this new reaction in her body, her heart skipped a beat when she thought of a possible reason for this. She rummaged the cabinet at the sink for a while before she found what she wanted. A pregnancy kit! Andrew had bought it last week and she had just smiled at his excitement. But now she could feel the tingling sensation all over her body, and could hear him downstairs.She wanted to call him up here. But this was a little too early and the dates also weren't correct.she was a little afraid to hope ,and more afraid of giving him false hope. So after washing her hands again she unwrapped the stick.  
"Oh ,get a grip on yourself" she scolded her trembling hand.  
She was one of the best agents of her agency and had faced a lot more dangerous things, she could handle a pregnancy test!  
Time is actually relative, according to her watch only 3 minutes had passed but she felt like eons had gone by. That's when she heard the car coming into the driveway. It was Phil, and as usual he was early.When the talks downstairs got directed towards her within another two minutes ,and no change was seen on the screen she decided to deal with this stupid piece of machine once she returned. So she carefully wrapped it up and put it in her drawer. If there was any news waiting, she would tell Andrew, and his face would certainly be worth the wait. With that she went downstairs. The possibility adding a bounce to her steps and lighting up her face.  
"Hey , no leaking operational secrets. Come on ,coulson we are gonna be late.  
"I'm early" he replied indignantly  
"Keep her safe" that had to be Andrew  
"Ha , that's her job"  
"I will be safe, and when I come back , we have got work to do" or maybe the work is already done, she thought as she followed coulson outside.

Melinda wouldn't have accepted it but during the entire flight to Bahrain her mind kept on going back to the tiny little package in her bedside drawer. She played out multiple scenarios of how she would tell Andrew, provided she had something to tell him.And subconsciously she had always imagined having a daughter. She didn't care about what she picked up from either of them till she wouldn't inherit Andrew's sweet tooth. As a reply to this Andrew had commented on her tongue being tasteless.  
The little girl May saw in the market had been some sort of manifestation of May's imagination of her own daughter. The ebony hair and innocent eyes just increased her longing to see a pink line on that screen.  
But then things had gone south, the girl was abducted and her mind no more had the leisure to dwell on the happenings of that morning. The main reason of May entering that storage facility was those eyes and the carefree laugh. She could never forgive herself if the girl would be harmed. But this is exactly what had happened, and moreover she had done it. Far from protecting, she had KILLED the child. As she pulled the trigger and the happy face contorted in agony, a part of May broke and all she could do was cradle the little , lifeless body in her arms. She had refused to leave her until Coulson forced her to do so.  
"You have to let ,the girl go melinda" he said, but he didn't understand, no one did.  
That's when she heard her title for the first time, and she hated it.Coulson, to his credit had been completely supportive, he didn't press for details or praise her for 'so called success'.May had gone in, crossed off the threat and released the agents who were held hostage. That's all he was going to get for the debrief.

After dropping her of at the med bay Coulson, though reluctantly had left for debriefing Fury. The doctor did a complete physical check up of hers, maybe she didn't bother with a psychic evaluation coz she could already make out that she was a complete wreck.But May couldn't care less. However the last sentence was good enough to grab her attention even in this state.  
"We are sorry but the baby couldn't be saved"  
When melinda looked at her with confounded eyes, the doctor continued.  
" I hope you know that you were three weeks along"  
That broke her completely and she had nothing to hold her together, nor did she try.  
And this time May shed no tears because they would mean nothing in front of her loss. All she did was walk out, not as May, certainly not as Melinda, but as The Cavalry.

That night Andrew had tried talking to her, but she didn't know herself anymore , let alone talk to him. So she delved in silence, something she realised was much easier and would become her ally in the years to come. So she lay on her bed with her back towards him, sleep from now on was going to be a dream.As The first day of morning light hit her face and the sound of Andrew's even breathing filled in the room, a trembling hand reached out and opened the drawer, and saw the bright pink line glaring back at the now hollow eyes.  
She would perhaps be the only woman who was informed about her miscarriage even before she could confirm her pregnancy. 

She had lost two kids, and herself in that one day and all of this was to be replaced by one void title of "THE CAVALRY"

**Author's Note:**

> Your likes and reviews are more important than you think so plz don't hesitate.


End file.
